Well this was a question I thought I knew, thing was I was wrong….
I had acute anemia, again, this time brought on by the mother of all periods, ten days of flooding, chunks and clots with the texture of liver. I was bleeding out, summer solstice and I was as pale as a ghost, literally no lip colour.
So, went on holiday, rested up and enjoyed the scenery, all the while eating grated carrot every morning to get the iron levels up while still bleeding which eventually stopped thank the Spirits.
Came home, went to my cancer appointment, got told I should have sought help and treatment, got bloods taken and set the alarms off in the hospital again. (if your blood count is so low it triggers an alarm for a tech to come look at it).
Next morning blood transfusion, 2 units, told to rest as I took it in, colour returns, I feel like I’ve been given another body! I was seriously unwell again but thanks to the donor who gave I am still here.
Yeah, sucks to be me at times.
Thing is, I had a flashback, my memories mugged me again, I was watching a program about killers and there were 3 which were very very similar to my own experiences, so much so it’s kind of sent me into a freefall dive.
That the abuse these women suffered was the SAME as I had been put through, there’s was short, nowhere near as long as mine but it was the exact same. They had been killed in the end by their partners, mine thought why bother, nature will do it for me.
It was shocking to me to see and hear the same things coming from their friends mouths as they told their stories about how the abuser treated them. It was MY LIFE I was hearing from strangers speaking about their lost loved one and how they got there.
It’s not easy, not by a long chalk, I’ve got to take some new stabilising tablets before I go back for my new coils (yes 2 this time) to be fitted. I’m taking anti bleeding meds and a estrogen pill which tends to send me psychotic. PMS has nothing on my mood swings or didn’t used to, I came off the pills because I was being more and more aggressive to people and total strangers. I wanted to hurt them, I mean pick up something and just smash their heads in till they stopped breathing.
My blood would feel like it was burning and fizzing, nothing eased it but action or violence, so I’m not looking forward to taking tablets again. I might just spend the whole month avoiding people and situations, but the appointment to fit the coils is a week after I start taking them, (3 times a day for the estrogen, 4 times a day for the anti bleeding meds)
Going to see Harry Potter World this Friday, should be fun, going to take a camera and take as many pictures as I can, my sister loves it, I just want to see the monsters, the shops, the fun things, I don’t care what house I’m sorted into. I just want to go look and enjoy the experience of it all.
Something else I’m looking forward to, a trip out with a friend, out to see the sea, to just be and let it all get washed away from me for a while. We tried planning it before and it never happened so this year, hopefully not my last year, I’ll do it.
I’m doing my stories onto audio versions and I’m enjoying the process, hearing my voice and actually liking it. My stories aren’t for everyone but they’re me and it’s all I can hope for.
See you in the funny pages….
ghosthare22 