2024 – A New Life?

Hello again,
Yes it’s been a while, well after the blood flow and the disruption to my life, the doctors decided I’d better go for the radiotherapy.

Now there were just two options given, well one really, as one was six weeks of treatment which could have nicked my liver with a treatment and begin to kill it, which if it did there was no way back from that.
So it left me with Brachiotherapy, please look it up, educate yourself ladies and gentlemen because what I went through was enough to break me on several levels.

Basically, a metal and plastic radiation pellet holder is inserted into your womb, there are three types, one like a lollypop, one like a set of antlers and one like a trident. I got the trident, these are placed inside you and packed in there tightly.
Radioactive pellets are then sent to your body for 20 minutes in the hour, but for this treatment you cannot, I repeat CANNOT move. Because you’ll shift the device and end up doing yourself a mischief.

Now, I was sent for at 7.30am, had an epidural and was fitted with my equipment for 8am. The packing was instantly painful and itchy, felt like I was burning from the inside and because we’re not allowed pain relief yet (in case they need to adjust it), waiting for scans, which took another three hours and finally back on ward at 12.30pm. No food had been eaten since 6pm the night before, dehydrated and sick to be told I could eat but only from a prone position. Cathetherised as well and given an enema so I’d be ‘clear’.

Then finally down for treatment to start at 7.30pm, to be told I was having 23hrs of it.
Laid flat on my back for a full total of 34 and a half hours, I have fibro, I knot up if I sit too long in one position. This was a living hell and torture I wouldn’t make an enemy go through, killing them would be kinder.

The treatment I could feel the pellets when they were inside me, my body would heat up, then ache, the pain is something hard to describe because you can feel yourself burning from the inside.

23 HOURS.
Not able to move, turn, shift, just being turned every hour by the nurses who gave me pain relief in the end after clearing it with the pharmacy so I knew it wouldn’t hurt my liver.

There are people who have done this before me and went quicker, in and out in 12 hrs, but me, nope, long dose and still going to be dealing with the aftereffects for another 5 weeks.

It was something I needed to do, to stop the cancer once and for all, and to stop the bleeding that would’ve killed me.

It triggered me, lots, about being vulnerable, being half naked, being seen by so many people as I was fitted with my ‘equipment‘.
Yet I am here still

My womb has held the nuclear fire and is hopefully shrinking now,
My ovaries will be dying off and wizening the growths on them as well.
I have held the phoenix inside my body
An now the time to shed the last period is here.

Hopefully free of the tyranny of my own body, cancer free hopefully.

Seriously folks, if you know a woman who’s undergone this and seems to shrug it off like its no big deal, trust me, IT IS!

To have that equipment inserted, used, burned, and knowing that this is the only way to kill the pieces of you that want to end your life, it is a Ripley moment. A ‘Do or Die‘ moment, I did it and I’m still here, a bit broken but I will heal in time, which this treatment has hopefully given me.